you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
