I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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