I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
