she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
