Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
