She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
