If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
