found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize