i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
