For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
