I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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