I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
