how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
