how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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