Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
