So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
