My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
