hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
