Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
