can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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