At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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