i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
