I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
