who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
