Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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