why didn't you poke me back
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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