sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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