you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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