Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
