Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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