I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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