Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Acid is not a monday night drug
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
MIDGETS
????
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize