put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
