booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
