i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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