my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
