you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize