Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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