Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
