1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
