I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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