It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
