Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
3pm strippers are depressing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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