I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
