I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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