my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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