i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
