So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
