get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
