OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize