Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
