I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
