i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize