I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
