She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
