i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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