Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
