Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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