apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
