You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
