I puked a lego.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
