She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize