the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize