He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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