So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
